Nationwide: USA
Boxed wine retailer, Franzia, is reporting a record shortage of available boxed wine for purchase. We spoke to Franzia’s media manager, Mr. Juce E. Grapes, about what is the cause of the boxed wine shortage.
“It’s the teachers, honestly,” he told us. “Teachers are overworked and severely underpaid. And when you put those two things together…well, you get a lot of men and women who need some relief. We are selling more boxed wine this year than at any other point in our company’s history.”
While the boxed wine boom is good for Franzia’s business, there is widespread concern that these underpaid and overworked teachers will possibly put an unprecedented strain on the production of affordable grapes.
“Look, if I could buy champagne, I would,” said Louisville, Kentucky teacher Mrs. Sicko Dem Kids. Ms. Kids went on to explain, “I have spent all of my money buying school supplies for other people’s children all year. I would love to buy wine that comes in a bottle; I really would. But when faced with dealing with the end of this school year with boxed wine or no wine, I think any teacher is going to choose the wine.”
We spoke to a parent in Austin, Texas, who wished to remain anonymous due to safety reasons. “My child does not act bad at home, so I don’t know why all these teachers need boxed wine. As a parent, I need some boxed wine, too.”
Teachers across the nation disagree. “I will literally throw bows on a parent who tries to buy the last box off the shelf. I have been pushed too far. I have a stapler and I am not afraid to use it.”
Stay tuned as more developments on this story are released.
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