The Path of Nicole

Monday, May 17, 2021

I woke up today and I already feel better somehow. This “week of no worries” challenge had not even officially started, and I already feel more calm and less anxious.

I got out of bed and danced before I fed the cat. I was amazed that I felt more clear and motivated than I had in a long time, just be *decided* to have a less anxious day. I laughed at myself, wondering, “What else could I just simply decide to do and the task basically do itself, without me interfering or worrying or, DOING?” I was already hooked.

After feeding the cat and having my morning tea, I decided to go for a long walk, outside. I checked the weather and saw that rain was definitely in the forecast. But I thought to myself: “What if I just went for a walk and just let whatever happens with the rain, happen with the rain?” It was not currently raining when I left for the park, so I decided to take my chances.

I decided to go to Memorial Park here in Houston, Texas and walk around the 3 mile loop. Walking the 3 mile loop allows me to close my Exercise Ring on my Apple Watch and gets me about 400 calories towards my Move Ring, too. I had every intention to happily walk the entire 3 miles in the muggy, but not too hot, Houston weather.

Spoiler alert: that did not happen.After about 3 minutes of walking, it began to drizzle. At the 15 minute mark, it began to really rain. In Houston, there are different types of rain:

• light sprinkles
• sprinkles
• light rain
• rain
• full on rain
• down pour
• torrential down pour
• hurricane season

I would describe yesterday’s rain level as “rain”…not enough that I sprinted back to my car, but enough that I was soaked by the time I got back to my car.

This experience allowed me to notice the first set of worries of the day:

1. What if my iPhone gets so wet that it does not work anymore?
2. I am unemployed; where will I get the money for a new iPhone
3. How much do they cost nowadays?
4. Is my Apple Watch waterproof?
5. Do we really catch colds when we are wet?
6. How cold does the weather have to be to catch a cold if catching a cold when you get wet is a real thing?
7. Do doctors even treat colds anymore? How has the pandemic affected doctors’ abilities to care for anything else other than the Rona?
8. My friend’s doctor is taking a break after last year’s experience working with Rona patients. I wonder how he is doing? How many doctors want to take breaks?
9. How many breaks can a doctor take? Do they have to get re-certified to be a doctor after a while?

You get the idea…

Because I am doing this “week of no worries” challenge, I was able to (eventually) catch myself as I spiraled down into these worrisome thoughts. I also laughed at myself because I could see how the thoughts really were like a funnel shape, starting from a general and sensible concern about the weather and moving towards random, worrisome thoughts about things and people that do not concern me at all.

At around the 16 minute mark, I decided to turn back and go home. Usually, “giving up” on a task would have made me feel very bad about myself, but today, I felt that it was ok to go home and not trust my luck with unpredictable Houston weather. I will say, however, that I did not give myself permission to turn back UNTIL I began to hear thunder. So, there’s definitely room for improvement.

Before I began walking the 3-mile loop, I took some gorgeous videos of a very cooperative butterfly and the surrounding areas.

Tell me, have you ever experienced a “thought spiral”? What was it like for you and what did you do to snap back to reality?