The Path of Nicole

Today was a bit easier going for this Week of No Worries challenge.

I had lunch with a friend who was encouraging and interested in the Week of No Worries challenge. She is the only person I told because I often find myself becoming discouraged when I share enthusiasm about something and others don’t find value or express the same level of enthusiasm. Over time, I have had to work to recognize and accept that when others don’t show the same level of interest in my ideas that I have, it is OK to be sad about the feeling and it also doesn’t mean that they’re bad people.

I picked up lunch for us and then headed to her office. As I have previously mentioned, at this time, I am unemployed and looking for work. So, it was very easy (and fun!) to pick up lunch and head to her office so that we could chat for the entire hour.

One of the first things she asked me was about which worries were on my list of worries. This question immediately made sense and gave me a bit more direction and clarity. I had not made a list of worries, but I think making and having a list will allow me to more easily recognize some of the main things that I worry about, not just vaguely go about life trying not to worry.

In the spirit of my friend’s excellent question, here’s my list of “big” worries at this time:

Finding Paying Work that is also Meaningful

I have been working in some capacity or another since I was 15 years old. For about 4 years, I was a school teacher. My other careers have centered around or used what I learned as a school teacher; I have had various positions that are related to for-profit or nonprofit education. Being a school teacher was by far the most meaningful of these positions, but it was also an unhealthy amount of stress. I do not wish to return to the life of a public school teacher, but I do think that I have much to offer in some kind of teaching / guidance space.

I worry about finding work to be able to pay bills. I worry about finding meaningful work to be able to give back and do something that I can be proud of later in life. I want to be remembered at least for a little while after I am dead and I do not currently feel confident that I am living up to my potential or really doing anything else meaningful aside from keeping a roof over my head and food in my cat’s bowl. I worry about work almost constantly and this level of worry is very tiring and saddening for me.

Improving My Health and Losing Weight

I am currently overweight and the extra weight contributes to my struggle with sciatic nerve pain. I have been in some amount of pain or discomfort every day of over two years. I am “used to it” in some ways and some days I just do what I have to do to deal with the pain or discomfort. Today, I was not in much pain, and I was happy about that. Other days, I am miserable and deeply saddened by having to manage or deal with pain every day. I am thankful for the days like today and trying to find meaning in the less pleasant days.

Developing a Long Range Plan for My Life / Gaining Direction in Life

Related to the first worry on this list, I feel and I am pretty directionless at this point in my life. Thankfully, I have education and a skillset that allows me to find work to support myself. But exactly what do I want to do? I don’t know. Where do I really want to live? I am unsure. Who will I become before I die? No clue! I have worried about this (and what to do) issue everyday for YEARS. I don’t even know how I have any sense or patience with myself left at this point.

Being able to talk with a friend about my Week of No Worries project, finding an interested ear to listen, and writing down these top three worries have really helped me gain focus and direction for this self-experiment. I think it is important to name those things that bother us because giving the thoughts a name or a label allows us to separate ourselves from the thoughts or worries.

Tell me: what are the top three things that you’re currently worrying about, whenever you’re reading this?